Feel the Feelings
Updated: Dec 6, 2021
"Fake it 'til You Make it" Sounds good, but I have faked it my whole life and never made it. Fake money doesn't buy houses, fake love doesn't make relationships work, and faking sobriety isn't going to change that trend. I faked the smiles, I faked the lack of cravings, I faked the struggles because I wanted to look like everyone else that was cruising through this recovery journey. But all the faking in the world did nothing to change reality from what it was....REALITY. I struggle. I have good days and bad. I have moments when sobriety is the easiest thing in the world to accomplish, and moments when all I want to do is escape. And thats okay. Thats normal. Thats how life works. Thats who I am. And all the faking in the world is not going to change who I see in the mirror when I am alone and have turned off the act. If I keep that light off, I will never come to accept me, for who I am, a massively flawed individual who is doing his best, with what life has given him, to make the best of his world. To deny that I struggle will never fix the struggle. My only chance to fix it, is to recognize it, accept it, face it forgive myself for feeling it, learn from it, and finally grow from it so that tomorrow I might be just a tad bit better than I was today. Life is hard, some days are better than others, and some days just flat out suck! But that is how it works for me, and the best course of action for me is to let my body deal with ups and downs like it was designed to do. I CAN work through problems without relying on alcohol or other externals. So why deny the role that my makings were designed for? I have hidden from any kind of feelings or mental discomfort for years. I need to let me start working again to face life. Those coping muscles have atrophied after years of sitting idle, and its time to let them start doing the job they were meant to do Denying that the negatives in my life exist only hinders my ability to deal with the ones that tomorrow will bring. Its okay for me to feel like crap at times. It's okay to crave an escape and to check out from the work that is life. It can be exhausting at times, but that is normal and it ain't gonna change. I am trying to no longer deny it or hide from it. Its there, its a fact, so why not accept it and figure out just how I am going to deal with it (without the assistance of the Anheuser Busch family) Recognizing life and accepting life makes dealing with life a whole lot easier!