Thanksgiving to ME
Sobriety for me is about giving. I did a lot of same to friends and family. But I also did a lot of damage to me. I damaged my future, I damaged my “might be’s”, my opportunities and jeopardized my story and the memories of what I was or wasn’t. Maybe I don’t have to live with that legacy, but there are several kids I know that will walk their lives with what I give them while I’m still around.
Last night we had a bug family pre-holiday party at our house, and I had the opportunity to give to a lot of friends and loved ones. I was given, maybe I had earned, a second chance to cover up the memories I can never fully erase, with new cleaner and happier events that can hopefully overshadow what was, with what became. Memories of flaws, of humanness and growth. Hopefully what I gave last night was a message of hope. Hope that life doesn’t have to stay, but can change, gores and improve, to rise from rubble to a position pointing towards what is right, and what should be. I am eternally grateful for the second chance, not only to right the wrongs, but demonstrate of what can be even when faced with a set of circumstances that tend to bring about even more decay.
I woke up today with a smile, something that is still new to me. I gifted good things last night. This morning I realize that others weren’t the only ones that I tired to care for last night. Selfishly, maybe wisely, I had the insight to care for myself and do what I needed to insure that I was on the list of those who had a great evening. As the booze flowed into the night, the magic that was, and the atmosphere slowly entered the hour that many of us that no longer drink, feel when others continue to do so. I’m not faulting anyone, it’s what I did for 35 years, and though everyone was having a great time, it began to become ‘not so fun’ as our blood alcohol content numbers began to distance from each other! Again I am not here to complain about the actions of others. They are them, and all I can control is me. But controlling and protecting me is a gift that I am so proud that I received last night.
My wife knows that I reserve the right to ‘escape’ when ‘it’s time’ and gladly supports that decision that is key to keeping me on the good side of my mental mood! So last night when the fun be not as much fun, I took care of Jeff. I pulled myself out of a position that would have been a stressful time and gave myself a deserved break!
I had a great evening, I gave to others a d thankfully, I remembered to give to myself too!!-And today, all of us are happy, with memories that I am happy to recall!!